I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize