Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
