I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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