wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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