Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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