I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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