you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize