I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
