I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
