how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
