I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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