i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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