Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
