He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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