Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
