Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
