despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
