I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
