Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
