She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
