Umm I'm too high to move.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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