Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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