Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
