I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
