And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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