Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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