the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
