Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
