i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
