it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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