Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
