using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
