Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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