the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
