if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
