Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize