What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize