Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
