Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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