He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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