Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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