just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
