I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
