You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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