your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
