like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
