My brain says no but my pants say off.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
