i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
