so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
