Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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