He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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