Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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