well I can't set my house on fire every night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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