I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
