this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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