At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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