Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
