He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
