peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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