Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
