I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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