oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
