I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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