I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
