ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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