By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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