consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize