I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
