Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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