You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
