You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
