proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
