1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
