all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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