Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
