That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
