You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
